Losing Yourself In Motherhood: Part 1: Your Design

Motherhood identity crisis is a real thing.

A common thing, even.

It happens to the best of us whether or not we ground ourselves in scripture, immerse ourselves in self-care, or fill ourselves with positive affirmations.

Who am I? I know my roles as a wife and a mother. I know I belong to the family of God. The tasks I carry out, the responsibilities I fulfill, the things that I do, I know these well.

But, like… who am I?

Overcome motherhood identity crisis with self-discovery

If you’re a Christian stay-at-home mom, then the idea of indulging in “self” anything might seem a little… selfish.

Which I totally get. This five part blogging series almost didn’t happen. I put it off for months.

Don’t talk about yourself. Don’t think about yourself. Those were the messages I was battling.

Except, the problem was, and is, that it haunts me- it haunted me for the last year as I struggled to understand my identity in light of my roles and place. It haunts me on behalf of all the stay at home mamas out there who wake up one day and realize that they have no idea who they are or what they want out of life, much less how to get it.

“You cannot escape you! Stop running from yourself. The you that Christ lives in is still you. He does not obliterate, deform, or deaden you. Who made you? When God made you, did he make a mistake? The Father of life created each of us in our particularity, and he delights in his creation.”

Kelly M. Kapic, You’re Only Human

Becoming who you were created to be is the fullest reflection of Christ that you can be on earth. And how will you know who you were created to be if you do not know your inherent design?

Knowing how you are designed is one key to unlocking your motherhood identity crisis

If you missed the introductory post, check it out here.

Ok, let’s dig right in. I’m going to walk you through a series of questions that you can ask yourself. I suggest journaling through some of these. And once you have an answer, it’s important to understand how it manifests in your own day to day life.

The point of this part of your stay at home mom rediscovery journey is to reaquaint youreslf with who you are. Deep down. Without external influences or actively deciding to be this person.

– What is your personality type?

You can take any number of online assessments to determine your personality type. Some of my personal favorites are the Myers-Briggs personality test and the Enneagram personality test.

I’m an INFP and a number 9 on the gram.

Why does it matter? When you’re smack dab in the middle of a motherhood identity crisis, it helps to know your personality because it grounds you in who you inherently are. If you know that you’re an introvert by nature, but you’re chronically overscheduled, you can assume that part of the reason you’re walking around in a fog is that you are not aligned with your deeply rooted needs.

For years, moms focus on everyone’s needs but their own. When you know yourself, you know what you need to function at optimal level. After a season, it’s time for moms to do just that.

– What is your temperament?

This past year, I discovered my temperament had a name. Go figure, it’s melancholic.

In my world, that makes perfect sense. Perfectionist? Check. Mood swings? Check. Sensitive? Where do I begin?

But we live in a fallen world. Our perfectly designed personalities get skewed. I doubt if God intended for me to be moody to everyone in my family. However, knowing that he made me sensitive, in touch with my feelings, and desiring to do things with excellence tells me a lot about myself. And it makes sense why I love writing and reflecting!

Who are you mama?

– What are your natural inclinations?

Meaning, what do you prefer or tend to want to do?

I’m more inclined to spend my off time reading, than watching tv. I prefer a small group of friends to big parties, alone time more than mingling, and sweets over salty foods.

And I would rather let my hair go gray than sit in a salon chair every six weeks making small talk with people I don’t really want to hear about.

I’m a good Christian woman, I know.

You knowing your preferences is NOT ground breaking material in and of itself. But as a mother, knowing that you’ll feel better if you have a good book to lose yourself in vs. the restlessness that comes upon you after a couple hours in front of the tv, is a good way to take care of yourself.

Hey mama, need a good morning routine? Check out this post.

– Where does your energy come from?

The answer is not coffee. Although, maybe it’s coffee.

No, I mean, what tasks, jobs, roles, responsibilities give you energy and which ones drain you? What do you look forward to each day and what do you do begrudgingly at best?

Does quiet time energize you or is it a box you’re checking until you can get on with the play date you have scheduled?

Do you come home from that playdate feeling like you need a nap or like you’re ready to clean your house for the next five hours because you’re so amped up?

Understanding these four things will help you rediscover yourself in the midst of your motherhood identity crisis.

So just to recap, ask yourself:

• What is my personality?

• What is my temperment?

• And what are my natural inclinations?

• Also, what gives me energy/ drains my energy?

Once you’ve become clear on the answers to those four questions, you are well on your way to rediscovering who you are as a mom and more!

In case you missed it:

• Introductory Post
• Part One: Your Design
• Part Two: Your Dreams
• Part Three: Your Values
• Part Four: Your Personal Style
• Part Five: Your Next Steps

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