Losing Yourself In Motherhood: Part 5: Your Next Steps

There is no shortage of things to do as a stay at home mom.

If you’re like me, when you were younger, you might have thought that being a stay at home mom was probably boring. You might not have seen much value in it. I mean, at the very least, it might have seemed kind of pointless.

Right?

Wrong.

The call to be a stay at home mom is one that is full of sacrifice, selflessness, and service. To give over your entire existence to your kids takes courage. Self-discipline. And a whole lot of strength.

Thank you Jesus that it doesn’t always depend on our own ability!

Now, you have new things to do as a stay at home mom.

If you’ve been following along, this is the fifth and final part of the five part series, Losing Yourself in Motherhood: a Life Strategy Series for Stay at Home Moms.

• Introduction
• Part One: Your Design
• Part Two: Your Dreams
• Part Three: Your Values
• Part Four: Your Style

I want to take a minute to reiterate something that’s weighing on my heart: losing yourself in motherhood, for a season, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s a beautiful thing.

I look back at my first newborn baby’s life and I truly wish I had lost a little more of myself in those early years. When my eldest girl was little, I was a selfish mother. I was a good enough mom, sure. She ate. She laughed. We played sometimes.

But it was primarily me and my life and I just let her tag along.

I don’t think you need to reorient your whole world around your kids. It’s not scriptural or healthy to allow them to feel like the center of the universe. But there were a lot of ways I could have done a lot more losing, if you know what I mean.

By the time my third baby came along, the choice wasn’t mine to make. I was drowning. I was suffering from PPD when I found out I was pregnant again. We had just moved out to the country, leaving all friends and familiar faces almost two hours away. And every plan I came to the country with, had to be rearranged, delayed, or dropped.

I had a million things to do as a stay at home mom and not one of them felt like me, anymore.

Not that I knew who me was.

That’s why I developed this series. Not because I think it’s wrong to lose yourself in motherhood. But because, if you didn’t make the choice to, it’s not doing anyone any favors- you and your family least of all- to live out your every day a shell of your former self.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Your next steps as a stay at home mom, after you finish this five part series.

So you’ve discovered your innate design, you’ve uncovered your dusty old dreams, refamiliarized yourself with your values, and gave some thought to your personal style.

Now what?

Here are your next steps to take as you consider some things to do as a stay at home mom who’s ready to embrace the new-ish you:

Remember who you are. Not every personality quirk is a sin. Sometimes, it’s just that you’re designed differently and you and your family need to understand those differences to avoid conflict.

Vocalize your needs, preferences and desires to your family. I’m not saying it’s all about you now, but you matter, too.

Figure out the personality type and temperament of your whole family. Maybe, if everyone knows what makes them them, everyone would be better able to find their place in the family unit.

Share your dreams with your hubby and kids, when applicable. Don’t hoard those dreams in the back of your heart and mind, bring your family in on it. Let them dream alongside you!

Be willing to let your dreams evolve. Just because you wrote some things down that you used to dream about, or that feel familiar, doesn’t mean that’s exactly right for you now. Give your dreams space to branch off.

Enjoy the process of dreaming as much as the journey to realize them. All dreams are not meant to be realized. If the dream becomes the goal of your life, you’ll find yourself off center again.

Begin a journaling habit. This may well be my answer to everything, but really! Journaling allows you to explore your own thoughts, heart, feelings without judgement. In my opinion, there’s no better way to keep from losing yourself in motherhood.

More next steps to take:

Stay true to your values. Now that you know what they are, you need to honor them. Often times they are placed their by our Creator as safeguards for our lives.

Don’t be shy about boundaries. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to not let other people’s urgencies be your top priority. Don’t be cold-hearted, of course, but do be discerning.

Allow your values to decide for you. Living out your values is the top way to stay the course that God designed for you. There are always things to do as a stay at home mom, but not all of those things are the things you should be doing.

Develop a family values statement (or sign)! Etsy has many options to personalize your own sign. What a great way to remind yourself to adhere to those values you discovered 🙂

Develop a morning routine. Give yourself the time you need, you earned, to fill back up. May I suggest hot coffee, a well worn bible, and nature?

Find a hobby. Homsteading? The aforementioned journaling? Blogging? Knitting? There are any number of creative outlets for you to dig into and find, or rediscover, what you love!

Slow down and enjoy the one life you have to live. Sometimes, we feel like we’re losing ourselves because we’re looking around at a fast moving world, and we feel like we’re being left behind. Let me encourage you, mama, you’re exactly where you need to be. And now, you know how to move forward when it’s time.

Lastly:

Declutter your closet. Get rid of anything that doesn’t feel like you or fit you anymore.

Go ahead and declutter your home. You can always think more clearly in a tidy space!

Go shopping! Okay, okay, slightly contradictory but you do need some new clothes to rock that personal style you developed in part four of this series!

Join my email list. It seems like the only reasonable thing to do now, since we’ve finished the series, and you’re stepping into your next season with confidence and clarity about who you are and what you want out of life. Stay in touch so we can link arms as we get there, together!

And, if this series was impactful for you, please share it and leave a comment about which day you most enjoyed! 🙂