Losing Yourself In Motherhood: Part 3: Your Values

Do you want to know how to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom?

You’re not alone. It might actually be simpler than you think. It has nothing to do with personal achievements, impressive successes, or being a super mom, super wife, super lady.

It’s really more about knowing who you are and being able to align your behavior, your habits, and your life up with things that are most significant to you.

If you want to know how to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom, you have to get clear on your values.

Welcome to Losing Yourself In Motherhood, five part series. In case you missed it:

• Introduction to the series
• Part 1: Your Design
• Part 2: Your Dreams
• Part 4: Your Personal Style
• Part 5: Your Next Steps

Part 3: Values. Values are those things which we hold most dear. They are the things in life that seem the most important, have the most significance.

When you know your values, you can live your life honoring those values. And when you feel as though you’re living out your values, you feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom. You’ll feel fulfilled period.

If you feel like you’re losing yourself in motherhood, as many of us do, then getting in touch with your value system can prove infinitely important!

Characteristics of values:

• Values are passionate– What do you care most deeply about? What are you not willing to sacrifice?
• Values are unique– What is true for you and your family? What feels personal and close to your heart?
• Values are lived– It was once said, “Show me your habits and I’ll show you your values.”
• Values are straightforward– It doesn’t have to be an in-depth description; values are one word, or one sentence, which, put together, become the framework for our lives.

Pinpointing your values may help you feel more fulfilled as a stay at home mom.

If you read all about uncovering Your Dreams in part two, then you’ll remember you divided your life into 8 key categories. If you didn’t, it’ll be beneficial to do that now.

Going back to those key areas, take a look at the list of values below and scribble down any that resonate with you.

Don’t pick the words that feel like the “right answer.” You’re not trying to get a gold star, you’re trying to figure out who the heck you are these days, remember?

This obviously isn’t an exhaustive list, so do your own research or add any words that come to mind.

Example list of values:

• integrity
• honesty
• creativity
• legacy
• family
• passion
• truth
• gentleness
• generosity
• strength
• peace
• beauty
• success
• leadership
• excellence
• nature
• hospitality
• service
• adventure
• knowledge

Okay, so here are 20 values to get you started. If you want to scan through a bigger list, I found this post.

Here’s the point: If you value adventure and nature, if those two things are embedded deep in your soul, yet you haven’t gotten out for a hike in six years because… well… life as mom… that’s kind of a problem, right?

You’re not going to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom or otherwise if you’re consistently missing a part of what makes you you.

Now, look, no one is suggesting you need to go climb Mount Everest while you’ve got a newborn on the boob. I’m just saying, maybe you’ve forgotten how much you enjoyed being active outside, and how good it is for your soul.

How do you know what it is that you value?

Okay, okay, now that you know what a value is and why it’s important… the next question is: How on earth do I know for sure what I value most?

My example: I love business building. I love the process, I love learning the skills, I love watching it come to life.

But I value peace over progress. I know this to be true of myself, because whenever I’m faced with the choice to go big or go home, I’d rather go home and read.

I’m not lazy, I do value hard work- that’s why I homestead-ish- but I don’t like the stress of striving, hustling, grinding it out.

I like working at my own pace and stopping every once in a while to enjoy the fruit of my labor.

That way of business building is so counter cultural. But, if I tried to keep up with the business building Joneses, I’d be miserable. And I would most definitely quit.

So what is the point?

The point is, I can look at my life, the choices I make, the things I prefer, and those areas in which I feel the most joyful… and there I can find my values.

And, when you’re aware of your values, you can immediately respond to life’s urgencies by looking through your values lenses. If I value “unhurried living”, and someone asks me to fill in at an event or handle a task, and it puts me over the edge in my weekly schedule, I can immediately rule it out knowing that I don’t function well without margin.

When you don’t live with your values in mind, you end up feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, burned out, and depleted. In other words, you don’t feel very much like yourself!

I wrote a whole post about aligning your life with your values, here.

Now, remember. Having values doesn’t give you permission to become the center of the universe. There are times that you have to do things that need doing simply because they need doing.

This isn’t about living life in a way that makes you happy every second of the day.

It’s about giving yourself some thought, understanding who you are, why you are, and what needs to be done about it.

After you write down some of your core values, make intentional decisions about what to do with the information.

It’s important to reflect on your habits and see where they may be misaligned with the things that you value.

Maybe you need to disengage some commitments to better align with your values.

Maybe you need to invest more time in an area, in order to step into who God is calling you to be.

Perhaps, mama, you just need to remember that you matter. That what you like, what you need, what you want, it matters.

It’s okay to design your life in a way that reflects that.

This series isn’t just about “losing yourself in motherhood”, it’s a life strategy series for how to get more of you in your momming and beyond.

Babies don’t keep, isn’t that the saying? And it’s okay to celebrate a little when you have some more free time in your life. We love our kids! We do! But we were women without kiddos, once, and it’s time to figure out where that person went and what parts of her you don’t want to lose forever.

If you like the post series, and you’ve learned some things on how to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom, share it!

Write down the words that resonate with you. Journal it out, the what and the why. Then be diligent to assess each of the areas of life you listed yesterday, to see what needs to change.

And finally- this step is important- be courageous and disciplined enough to change it!

Hopefully, I’ve got your gears turning. I’m praying that you’re starting to feel more in touch with your personhood, and you feel better equipped to engage the next chapter of life! And if you’ve found value here, come back tomorrow for the next part in this 5 part series 🙂