Losing Yourself In Motherhood: Part 4: Your Personal Style

I believe stay at home mom style is an important part of reclaiming yourself in motherhood.

This coming from someone who spent the first three years of her third baby’s life in oversized tees (thanks hubby!), and grungy sweats.

Is it any wonder that I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself? I’m not saying I was once a fashionista… but… I was once a fashionista.

And here me out, I don’t think looks are important like culture thinks looks are important. I’m not advocating that to find yourself after motherhood, you need to somehow find your pre-baby shape, morph yourself into the perfect societal ideal, and start shopping like you’re rich and famous.

In fact, don’t do those things.

However, putting some thought into how you look- how you present yourself to the world each day- can go a long ways in feeling like you again.


The problems with trying to find what to wear everyday at home

If you’re just joining us, you can find parts 1-3 of the Losing Yourself In Motherhood Series here:

Finding a stay at home mom style definitely presents some challenges.

  • One, you rarely leave your house so… why would you dress up?
  • Two, whenever you do leave your house, you can’t wait to get home and fling your bra off again, am I wrong?- so why wouldn’t you want to be comfortable all day at home??
  • Three, kids are messy. Life is messy. How can you decide what to wear that’s both attractive and mess proof?

And girl, I’m a homesteading mama, too. So my clothes don’t just have to be pb&j proof, they also have to be animal grunge proof.

Here’s what’s important to note as you consider your personal style: Your personal style is personal! You don’t have to look a certain way or dress a certain way to feel like a real, live person. Just give yourself some thought.

What do you actually like when it comes to your style?

Avoid adopting a frumpy stay at home mom style

Okay, this is definitely the most surface level topic we’ve covered in this five part series, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not important. Knowing your personality, your life dreams, your personal values and convictions… these things matter deeply.

FEELING like YOU in your clothing, as you fulfill your every role, matters deeply, too.

I don’t really feel like me in sweats. I feel comfortable. I feel cozy maybe. But me? No.

The me I used to be would never be caught dead in sweats.

That’s a little extreme for the me who is typing this post, but still. It matters to remember that I had my reasons for not becoming a “Customers of Walmart Calendar” candidate.

So if I value coziness, but I also value aesthetically pleasing clothing, then I know I can develop my style with sweaters instead of hoodies, luxe leggings in lieu of baggy sweats, and statement slippers that aren’t so middle aged mom.


I used to hoard high heels. I’ve mentioned before, my office had a wall of shoes, built custom for me by my husband (he’s the best)! I loved fashion.


Happily, thankfully, I began to love Jesus more. Soon, the passion I used to pour into clothing was being poured into more important things.

Plus, practicality over impressive was an obvious next step.

I mean, it’s easy to hold your one well behaved child’s hand in four inch heels. It’s slightly more difficult to chase three silly, energetic kids across 6 acres of grassy lawn in them.

But just because I gave up the heels, doesn’t mean I have to give up nice shoes! I do all of my farm chores in birkenstocks (which are arguably pretty ugly but they’re real leather and last for years).

And when I leave my house to shop or go to church, I slip on some leather slides instead of plastic flip flops.

That helps me to feel like me. Like I haven’t given up on myself entirely. Like I put a little thought and effort into my presentation.

You can argue that your personal stay at home mom style is frumpy mom, but I want to challenge you to debunk that statement.


What if I don’t know my stay at home mom style?

There was a time when I didn’t know my own style.

When I stopped being the me who would drop $150 on a pair of heels without any plans about where I might wear them, I spent some time feeling lost.

Either my old tastes didn’t line up with my life, or they didn’t line up with my values.

And, just to be honest, I was adept at dressing myself 30+ pounds ago. I’m not trying to be shallow, but as a woman in this culture, it can be very difficult to understand fashion for a curvier you.

I had to look at my life clues.

I really didn’t know what I wanted to wear, each day.

Yet I did know that I wanted comfortable. Visually pleasing. Something that fit my body type. Something that I could move in, live in, and do all of my chores in. I don’t mind slipping into barn jeans for some of the messier tasks, but ultimately, I don’t want to redress every time I go to fill buckets.

I knew I didn’t want dresses. Patterned leggings. Fussy clothing.

I scoured Pinterest.

I am naturally drawn to boho… and if I’m honest… hobo.

And I realized that I love the natural fibers.

So, I adopted a minimalist look with an emphasis on natural fibers and boho details.

I found so much freedom in embracing my preference of jeans and a t-shirt, while finding subtle ways to make it personal and feel more like me.

Some questions to ask yourself about your personal style:

If you’re really not sure and just don’t even know where to begin- or you can’t even tell if you even care- start by asking yourself these questions.

1. What outfit do I currently own, that makes me feel great?

It doesn’t have to make you feel like a superstar. I simply want you to think of the one that you reach for when you’re leaving the house or you know you’ll be seen.

2. When my husband takes me somewhere special, what is my go to outfit?

This is your next level outfit, obvi. I’m not advocating you wear a little black dress around the house all day erryday. I just want to encourage you to get in touch with your womanhood instead of your momhood.

If, however, your date night ensem is looking like a dollar general clearance rack, take note that it’s time to spice it up. Again, this is not me saying you have to look a certain way. It’s me insisting that you put some thought into yourself for the first time in a long time!

3. Who’s look do I admire? What about it, exactly, do I like?

I admire my friend’s style. She owns it. I could never pull it off, because she primarily wears long dresses and I very much do not. But, that doesn’t mean it can’t give me clues as to what I do like.

Neutral colors. Natural fibers. A vibe that screams homesteader. I love that! And I’m happy to create my own spin to create my own personal stay at home mom style.

4. Is there any area of my appearance that looks the way that it does simply because I haven’t put the energy in to change it?

Here it goes: I’m going gray on purpose. I have been discovering gray hairs since I was like 25. I’m so over trying to keep people from knowing my true age *gasp* because I just don’t care any more.

That’s me!

And I get it if you don’t want to go gray. Sometimes I miss my platinum hair. But, because I know my values- natural ingredients in (most of) my products, being intentional about my time, letting go of comparison- it doesn’t make sense for me to be in a salon chair every six weeks trying to cover up the gray.


My current fitness level is pretty… not fitness-esque. I wake up at dawn and milk my goats, feed and water all of the animals, homeschool my three children, blog, keep up with house chores, cook dinner (most nights… not including this month because eating out got way out of hand, y’all), etc.

I move around, I do the things, but I’m not as tone as I’d like to be, turning 40 in two years.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you haven’t prioritized your fitness, with good reason. But maybe… possibly…. it’s time?

For years I told myself I had time to lose the baby weight. Well… now I have time to lose the baby weight. And I want to. For me. To feel like me again.


One last step to unlocking your personal stay at home mom style

This can be as fun or unfun as you make it, but, you’ve got to declutter your closet and let some stuff go.

  • Let go of those size 2’s. Even if I lose the baby weight, I have no aspirations to punish myself into my pre-wedding size.
  • Let go of every shirt you pull on, look in the mirror, hate immediately, and pull off again. Why do we keep hanging those back up, anyways?
  • Let go of the clothes that don’t fit well, don’t make you feel good, aren’t comfortable, don’t feel like you, or just have been worn beyond their prime. Because, obviously.

When you take out all of the stuff that’s not even an option for you right now, you make space for those things that fit your sahm style criteria. And where there are gaps, you have the freedom to fill in based on what you’ve learned about yourself in the last few days!

Now go shopping and tell the hubs I gave you permission 😉

Maybe a capsule wardrobe is right for you!

Join my list to stay in the know– and come back tomorrow for the last part in this five part series: Your Next Steps! Take what you’ve learned about yourself and make it matter in your life!