You are a good mom and there’s no reason why you should be spending your every day wallowing in self doubt and insecurity.
How do I know that that’s true?
Well, bad moms don’t peruse mom blogs looking for advice. They don’t care that much.
But you do.
And the thing is, sister, it really doesn’t matter how you measure up to the moms around you. This is your one precious life, and your unique family… it’s about you and them, no one else.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean impressing the most people with your skills. It’s a heart posture. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It simply means you keep showing up to try again.
There is no way to get out of this life unscathed, without failures under your belt.
I mean, there was one perfect person who walked this earth… and that was over 2000 years ago. No sense in getting down about yourself for not being Jesus.
Insecurity has always been a sneaky thing for me. I have never been the most confident person in the room, and I’ve made a ton of mistakes trying to be someone that I’m not.
I wish I’d had some of this advice at the beginning of my momming journey, but I’m grateful that as I approach 40, my momming- and my mindset- has not stopped evolving for the better!
Or at the very least, often! Journaling is such a pivotal part of my momming strategy and spiritual life. I pour out confessions, pray on paper, and ultimately process all of my life happenings right there in my journal. And afterward, I feel so much lighter and better understood- if only by myself- and it seems to lift my self doubt away.
The saying goes, when you’re thinking about others, you stop thinking so much about yourself. And it’s true, how could it not be?
As a mom, you’re used to giving and thinking of others first. So when you start to doubt yourself, go and serve your kids with a happy heart and prove to no one but yourself that you are a good mom who loves well!
As moms, we all have things that we’re willing to do- or not do- when it comes to our parenting. As a young mom, I was very much influenced by what I thought I should do, or what I believed others thought I should do.
When I began to care more about living out my convictions as a Christian mom, versus pleasing a particular person or group of people, my self doubt faded into the background. God didn’t make me the best mom in the world, but by his grace, I’m a good enough one!
This is multi-faceted.
Invest time in your passions and hobbies, the things that connect you to the you God designed.
Invest energy into your physical surroundings and appearance. God is a God of beauty, and he loves to adorn His creation with frivolous things that delight our senses. Let that inspire you!
Lastly, invest in quality over quantity. When it comes to clothing, decor, friendships, etc. I won’t say you deserve it, but it will certainly go a long way in lifting your mood, boosting your confidence, and feeling like an intentional participant in your life.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.Proverbs 3:5 NIV
The thing about self doubt is that we’re ultimately trusting in, and being disappointed in, ourselves. But we’re not in a position to guarantee ourselves anything, are we? So it makes more sense, then, to trust in the Lord… let yourself off the hook and breathe easier knowing you don’t have to have all the answers.
Here’s the thingamajig, we don’t want to be self-indulgent, as Christian moms. But we are women. Women!
And I’m not saying that we should adhere to cultural standards of beauty, always be on a diet, and take 9364 selfies a day.
I’m just saying… we have an affinity towards loveliness. And it’s really hard to feel lovely in a ratty old t-shirt and oversized sweats.
Do I still wear those things? You bet.
I’ve also, recently, felt the conviction that to never think about presenting myself to my husband, or my kids, for that matter, is really rather selfish. I don’t want them to think that I don’t value the callings in my life because I don’t put any effort into adorning it.
Oh and also, don’t watch trashy television.
Look, there’s a whole lotta world out there that wants to make you feel bad about yourself so that you spend your hard earned cash to make yourself feel better.
Offset self doubt with personal improvement, development of the spiritual disciplines, and good, practical, biblically sound advice on parenting and living. You are a good mom, you don’t need to check out of your life with crummy, second rate mind numbing entertainment (that ends up making you feel bad about yourself anyway).
I won’t pretend to be a friend expert. In fact, of all the areas in my life, this is probably the one that I have the most personal self doubt in.
There’s a whole history of whys, but suffice it to say, finding good, honest, solid friends can be difficult at any stage of life.
If you have them, spend time with them! They are a gift! And soul to soul conversations with other women can erase self doubt in an instant.
A lot of people will tell you to limit social media but not because they have anything against social media.
I am not those people. I do have something against social media, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
This is one of those things: social media can make you feel like garbage about your life. It’s a carefully curated reel of seemingly perfect moments in time or else it’s a verbal wasteland of venting, complaining, and grumbling.
It’s where pride goes to grow.
Anyone can get sucked into the “I’m just posting to let Great Aunt Sally in Minnesota see how smart, cute, funny, perfect, amazing, wonderful, and advanced my new baby is” excuse.
I mean, maybe that’s true. Maybe Great Aunt Sally does care that your newborn slept through the night since the day she was born. Who am I to say? I’m just here to tell you that social media can do without the updates and you’ll actually feel way more confident when you’re not comparing yourself and your life with everyone else’s.
This one bears repeating. If you find yourself full of self doubt, stop expecting yourself to be the one in control.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.Philippians 4:13 ESV
You might not be able to do it. But Jesus? He’s unstoppable. You’ll be a really good mom if you can remember to lean into Him.
Usually when self doubt creeps in and has us questioning whether or not we’re a good mom, it’s because we’re looking at the external. Hiding from our kids because we are touched out, letting them watch too much tv because we’re just extra tired, or bringing them to Chik Filet because the thought of cooking another meal makes us want to scream…
We can start to get down on ourselves.
But girl, you are human. You’re allowed to not be perfect, remember?
Check your heart. Are you seeking the rest you were designed to need, or are you avoiding the responsibilities you’ve been called to steward? Those two things look very different inwardly, though they sometimes resemble each other outwardly.
This is a major kick in the pants for me, personally. I have this weird tendency to allow other people’s convictions or standards become my own.
Not necessarily because I’m trying to please them (at least I don’t think I am), but just because I don’t want to let my kids down… and good information feels really important at the time I hear it.
But if I’m not careful, too much of a good thing weighs me down. It sabotages my progress. And sometimes, if I can’t do everything (and who can?) I end up doing nothing.
Live the life you’ve been called to live. That’s all I’m saying. It’ll look different for each of us, so don’t let yourself go down the self doubt rabbit hole over a weight that’s not yours to carry. Kapeesh?
Unfortunately for us, there is no black and white blueprint for how to handle this momming adventure that we’re on.
Fortunately for us, we have been given a book that guides us in how we should live our lives, which includes our momming.
You can take simple steps to ditch the self doubt that is vying for room in your mind, so that you can step into your every calling with confidence in who you’ve been designed to be and how that looks in your every day.
You don’t have to feel like a bad mom just because there are other things …August 29, 2023