Radical Healing: 20 Rebellious Moves I Made After Betrayal

I used to think that healing would mean I could be in the same room as the people who hurt me, and not feel bitter or resentful. I thought it meant being the bigger person, smiling in a church lobby that felt more like freshman year of high school, making small talk with the same people who had watched my life burn to the ground and then looked the other way.

But you can’t heal in an environment that is actively making you sick.

The single best thing I did for myself in my healing journey wasn’t therapy or reading the right self-help book. It was when I stopped trying to bridge the gap and decided to instead cut the cord. I realized that my peace was more important than social politeness. I realized that being the villain in whatever toxic narrative was circulating was a small price to pay for the space to breathe outside of those four walls.

I traded the shallow small talk of my old community for the depths of wild adventures in my jeep. I traded strained smiles for solo sunrises. I traded approval from the congregation for the radical stewardship of my own soul.

If you are standing in the rubble right now, wondering how to relieve that knot in your stomach, this is for you. These are the 20 radical, messy, and unapologetic things I did to cultivate a life I was excited about once the old one was gone.

The Surgery of Separation: Cutting the Cord on Toxic Roots

Exiting the Sanctuary of Secrets

For over a year, I protected the truth of what happened by saying nothing to no one. When people questioned why a relationship or friendship ended, I gave polite, socially acceptable answers. I tried to fake it for the sake of my children not becoming outcasts, maintaining their “friendships” even if I had to endure people who cost me my peace. But honesty has always been a virtue of mine, and in the end, it’s the only way forward.

1. I shared my story with the pastor- and released the outcome.

I sat in his office and shared why I left the church. I handed the story over to him, not for a fix or resolution, but as an honest steward of the truth. When I walked out, I didn’t take the weight of his reaction with me. His response was his burden to carry, not mine.

2. I left the church to find Jesus

Every Sunday, I spent more time bracing myself for impact than preparing my heart for worship. I’d walk into the lobby, scan for the people I wanted to avoid, and beeline for the safety of a quiet corner or the dark sanctuary. When I served, it was with a pounding heart and frazzled nerves. Leaving felt like breathing again. I realized I didn’t have to force myself into an unsafe situation just to satisfy the over-used “let us not neglect meeting together…”

I met with my safe people- with Jesus- regularly, without the building to validate it.

Choosing the Villain Label Over the Victim Script

When you walk through fire, you realize how much you can actually withstand. Things that used to frighten you no longer hold you hostage. When you’ve lost everything, and survived, you understand that sometimes your loss is also your gain.

3. I denied the fake olive branch and called it what it was: avoiding accountability

When a former friend texted that she’d like to be friends again as long as we never discussed what she did to cause us to have a falling out in the first place, it felt more like a joke than an honest gesture. Reconciliation without repentance, sprinkled with just enough scripture to manipulate me into submission.

In the past, the ‘good girl’ in me, the one trained in the Sunday morning performance, would have stayed quiet and accepted the breadcrumbs of reconciliation just to keep the peace. But the Cultivator in me was no longer interested in having a seat at her table.

I knew that if I responded in truth, I was drawing a line in the sand that I wouldn’t ever cross again. In a rebellious act of empowerment, I called it out for what it was: avoiding accountability. When I responded with, “I am not interested in having a friend like you,” it was the truest thing I’d ever written.

I would be the villain in her story. I would accept being labeled the ‘bitter’ one, the ‘unforgiving’ one. I could live with being seen as “unChristian-like.”

But I know the truth. And she knows it, too. I didn’t need to accommodate her desire to make nice for appearances sake.

I didn’t need her version of ‘peace’ to find my own.

The Clean Break: Why I Stopped Explaining My Side

Sometimes you have to make the same mistake over and over again before you learn the lesson. When you’ve felt the sting of betrayal from more than one place, you cling to anything that feels familiar. It takes a lot of pain for your body to recognize that the person you’re running to for safety is actually the one creating the sickness.

4. I went no contact and stuck to it

The church had become high school, for me, complete with mean girl energy and a popular ex-boyfriend who garnered all the applause and sympathy. He is an excellent navigator of the social politics I refuse to play. The last time we called it quits, I went silent. And it became the loudest statement I could make.

5. I let people think whatever they wanted to think

What anyone thinks of my divorce and subsequent relationship is none of my business. Judging how I handled the most heart wrenching, devastating year of my life from the safety of the bleachers is wild pride. Not to mention the people who saw me having a hard time and actively chose to make it harder. This is me taking unbothered to a whole new level.

Breaking the Bracing: Reclaiming Your Body After Betrayal

5:00 AM Stewardship

You can’t fake discipline. And I don’t do fake. If there’s one thing that this experience has taught me, it’s that I would rather be alone in the deep than struggle to tread water near a group that pretended not to see me drown.

That’s why I stepped into the 5am lifestyle.

6. I committed to the 5:00 am grind

More people ask where I’ve been when I miss a 5am camp, than asked where I’ve been when I left my church of 4 years. That’s why healing looks like lifting.

7. I collected sunrises like currency

Every “5AM sunrise” I witnessed was a down payment on future me.

8. I practiced journaling as an act of honest healing

I put the truth to the page so that it wouldn’t rot in my chest. I found that when you write the same thing over and over again, you’ll wake up one day not needing to. This is the space where I designed my 90 Day Vow to reclaim my peace, and the reset I’ll share with you once it’s finalized.

Check out this post on Radical Self-Discovery for more ideas

The Jeep as a Mobile Sanctuary

In a wild act of rebellion towards my former life, I traded in my mom van for a ride that felt like me. The new me. The realest version of me. I realized that this was the move I needed to make: I didn’t just invest in a car, I invested in my future self and business.

9. I adopted wilding to reset my corisol

I now call our homeschool “wild schooling” and our trips to various parks “adventuring” and it feels so good and right and FREE.

10. I claimed a new hobby: hiking

When my marriage fell apart, I turned to the mountains for healing. Every trail led me back to myself. Now, I have a form of transportation that matches my need to go off road and get lost.

11. I grounded at York River and every other nature space I drive to

Having a newfound sense of adventure has me peeling my socks off and putting my soles to ground in any number of natural places, from Yorktown Beach to York River State Park. Grounding is healing.

The Rhythm of Restoration: Movement and Nutrition

Taking care of yourself, however you need to, is the wildest act of rebellion a single woman can perform in a world that tells her she needs someone else to complete her.

12. I leaned into the “wild” by singing and dancing loudly

Alone. With my kids. In the kitchen. In front of my bedroom mirror. In sweats. Naked just out of the shower. Whenever I start to feel like I’m slipping into a funk, I turn it up and live out loud.

13. I prioritize proper eating as a form of self-respect

For an entire year following my divorce, I stopped eating because my nervous system was so dysregulated I was in a constant state of nausea. Now, I fuel for the grind. High-protein, intentional meals are the armor my nervous system depends on. As do my glutes.

Cultivating Goodness: My Temple and My Home

Strategic Silence: Learning to Live Unbothered

When you enjoy your own company, you become very picky about who you spend your time with. Some people think I’m shy or naturally quiet. In fact, I’m a professional at pattern recognition and wildly intentional about who gets to experience my personality.

14. Learning to love a well-timed “no”

The last time I said “yes” when I wanted to say “no,” I ended up sitting around a fire listening to women discussing how hard it is to handle bedtime two nights in a row. Two years as a single mom, now, I feel like that’s a big “enough said.”

15. Alone vs. lonely

Pretending you don’t mind standing because someone decided to kick your chair away from the table, is self-abandonment. When I finally just moved to my own table, I felt like me again.

Reclaiming My Sanctuary: Home and Inner Circle

Some people stepped back when my life crumbled to the ground. Others carefully picked their way through the rubble to get closer to me.

16. I moved to a new home and decorated in a way that matched my soul

My idea of living off grid was moving so no one knew where I lived. In a small town, I’m sure the secret’s out but at the time, it felt like the exact fresh start I longed for.

Slow living is the new Sunrise and Grind

17. I leaned on the reliable few

My circle of friends is small. When your life is burning to the ground, look around. Whoever is standing beside you in the flames, those are your people. Three “ride or dies” are worth more than a whole village of “sorry but my group is too full for one more’s.”

Mental Shift: Discipline and Internal Language

Whether it was how I spoke to me, or how an ex-boyfriend spoke to me, I decided no one would speak to me like that again.

18. I chose self-discipline over instant gratification

I realized that saying no to the easy path was the only true way to say yes to the unconventional life I’m designing.

19. I changed the way I spoke about myself

I stopped saying “winging it” like it was a bad thing. Now, I recognize that I’m a steward of chaos, and basically a professional at this point.

20. I denounced all of the untrue statements spoken over me

“You are the problem.”

“This is why you’re so easy to leave.”

“You make it really hard to love you.”

“You could have had it all if you’d just kept your mouth shut.”

Words used as weapons against me by a man, a leader of men in the church, during the hardest two years of my life… no longer mine to carry.

When Life Comes Radically Undone, You End Up Making Some Rebellious Moves

I spent two years trying to fix what had been broken, leaning on people who weren’t there to support me. I tried to smooth out the wrinkles without making a fuss.

In a vulnerable and broken state, I was desperate to remain relevant in a community that could not handle who I’d become. And once you see something, once you know something, you can’t go back to the way it was before the veil was lifted.

Your only choice becomes: do I stay in comfortable silence to keep the status quo, or do I live a life that is honest and true, even if I live it alone?

Choose to live out loud, sister, and if you need a new village, Sunrise and Grind has got your back!